For The Love of Independence

I was having a conversation with a friend who was complaining about the selection of guys. She went on and on, finding asinine excuses for the past few men she had dated. I quickly shot a look-- and she knew its significance. 

My friends know me as someone who doesn't beat around the bush. I tell it like it is, I expect full transparency. Yes, I am aware that most people cannot handle that, they may not possess a strong self esteem and confidence that you need by associating with me. Those people are not my people. I keep a small circle, and I am happy that way. You need to earn my friendship; my trust and respect. 

I stayed quiet as she went on and on, and she then stops and goes: "Yes, you're right, ok!"

"Right about what?" I replied, smiling slyly back at her. "Maybe you don't want to settle down? Maybe if you did not live in this community, you wouldn't get married?"

She nodded enthusiastically: "I don't know if I want to get married." She did stress though how much she wanted a family. 

I did as best as I could to advise her. To sit with her thoughts, to understand how important it is to make herself happy. She repeatedly dated men who were wrong for her. Her desire to fill that void or quiet her bossy manipulative family who drilled it into her head that she must get married soon OR ELSE. 


Why should someone enter a lifetime commitment if they know they cannot be selfless? For someone who wants to live entirely for themselves, and not to ever answer to anyone-- why get married and commit to an individual who desires the opposite? 

Do we all desire love? Love—a simple word that covers everything from romantic love to platonic love, and from mild to deep affection for family and friends, pets, and things. Love still remains a mystery despite poets, psychologists and philosophers studying it for lifetimes. 

The ancient Greeks separated different types of love, such as Eros (passionate and romantic love), Philia (friendly love), Storge (familial love), and Agape (unconditional love). In modern psychology, different forms of love are described: “fatuous” love is experienced as a compelling attraction both sexually and romantically; “companionate” describes friendly love; and “consummate” love expresses intimacy, passion, and deep commitment. Love ensures the survival of our species. Love is pragmatic. The ways we feel affection are incredibly varied and complex. We can spend lifetimes trying to seek the perfect term, explantation or approach-- yet we still wonder what kind of role love plays in our lives. Our experiences do show how love is far too complicated for just a simple approach. 

Until people take a step back and acknowledge what they want, they will be repeatedly making the same mistakes over and over again wondering why. Wondering why, they're stuck, wondering why "their life hasn't started yet."

Stop living your life for others and live it for you. At the end of the day, you only have yourself, that is the only definite. 

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